Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
