I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
