So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
