Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
