hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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