I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
