I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
