remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
