dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
