What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
