Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
