don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
