she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
