Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
