Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
