just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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