In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
