sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
