The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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