I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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