Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
