sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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