Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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