I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
