Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
