No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
