You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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