maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
