but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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