i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
