either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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