I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
