Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
