If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
