I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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