No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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