a queef is a wish your heart makes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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