she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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