Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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