True but thats because hes a fetus.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
