Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize