if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
