goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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