She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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