Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
