Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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