my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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