tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
