Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
