Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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