Nicole vs. Life
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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