I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
