i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
