We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
