I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
