Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
