Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
...so i touched it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
