i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
