Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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