Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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