I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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