that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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