Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
