I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize