East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
