My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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