this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
