Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
