i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am available for nakedness
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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