Banned from zoo.
Again?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
