Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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