her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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