Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
