Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
